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Discovering feelings and borders

Is it worth knowing what we are feeling at a given moment, or is it even worth bothering to think about it? 

Today we would like to show you why we think it is. Every material object has a specific temperature, and also almost every our experience has an emotional state, an emotional temperature. That is the feeling. 

Feelings mean a certain psychological state of a person, a certain inner attitude that accompanies each of our experiences.   

When a feeling comes together with a thought, it can become visible – it becomes an emotion. Revealing feelings or emotions makes us authentic and better for ourselves and others. 

We feel what we feel 

The image of a parent created by the mass media or through upbringing and the opinions of people we care about, can drive us into a certain type of behaviour or roles.   

This image shows a parent who is: flexible, creative, understanding, eager to play and talk with children, helpful, smiling, and so on. Rarely is there a place to be yourself with all your limitations. 

Comparing oneself to this model may lead to the masking of one’s own personality. Then we feel guilt if we do not live up to the model or if we do not accept our feelings. It is not just a matter of perfecting oneself in being better for another person, for a child or oneself. The fact that we should work on our character, our weaknesses is obvious. 

Is it possible for a person to ignore his or her feelings when pressed to do something? Yes, but what are the consequences? 

Example  

You are tired today. Yesterday you arranged with your children to go swimming this afternoon. Children are pushing you: ” After all, you promised to go with them.”  You ignore your tiredness. You decide to be nice so as not to be different from the model of your father/mother. 

Consequences of the choice: 

The children are getting into the car, making noise. You say, “Children, don’t make suvh noise, please”. Children ignore your words and continue to misbehave. You repeat: “Quiet, kids!”. The children don’t react, you finally explode and shout: “Do you always have to make such a noise?! We’re going back home, if you don’t hear what you’re being told! 

If the child exerts pressure on the mother or father that they cannot endure, the parents are frustrated. They lose control and the situation gets nasty. Whenever we disregard our feelings or emotions, and thus allow for crossing our borders – the vicious circle is set in motion.   

Chain of events: 

The children make their demand visible. The parent ignores his own emotions and gives in. Frustration grows in the parent. It finds an vent. Someone is hurt. The whole family suffers. 

What can we do to prevent such a scenario? 

The protection of our family begins with the protection of ourselves

Nobody needs a reason to feel what they feel. The mere fact that you feel this is sufficient reason. Our feelings protect us and our family. If we reveal them, we give the child an empathy lesson – an opportunity to take an interest in the real needs of other people. 

Sometimes we wonder why we are not like other parents. And that’s because everyone is different. We all have our strengths and limitations. As a mature person, we are able to accept them. It is important not to ignore what we feel at a given moment. This is being sincere towards yourself and others. 

Also, there is no such thing as bad and good feelings or emotions. All of them are real and experiencing them does not necessarily mean that under their influence we lose control over our behaviour. It is important that emotions do not dominate us, but give information about what is happening inside of us. They all set our limits. What we are able to accept and what we are not. What we like and what we don’t like. What we are able to chenge our minds about and what we are not. 

Observing your own feelings allows you to set your borders 

When we are upset, frustrated or even furious, it is often because someone has violated our internal border. What does this information give us? By observing our feelings (emotions) we can protect ourselves from breaking our borders. It works the other way round, too. If with our words or actions we have violated someone’s borders, we can see it through the same reactions (anger, nervousness, etc.). It is up to us what we do next. 

If we deny our feelings, we will teach children the same thing. Denying emotions leads them into the adulthood, where they will stumble when they should not. Suppressing feelings and emotions causes harm first of all to ourselves, and often results in various diseases. 

It is clear that not all feelings should make us act. We are people and have the right to choose what to do with our feelings of joy, satisfaction, love, enthusiasm, anger, frustration, jealousy, dislike or dissatisfaction. We always have an alternative to express them in a civilised way. 

  

Observation of our feelings leads us to the path of metamorphosis  

The point is that if we observe and accept our feelings and emotions, this can lead us to internal transformation. 

Let’s come back to our Example for a moment. 

We are feeling tired, we have an appointment with the children to go to the swimming pool.   

What can save the situation: telling the truth. For example: ‘Children, I feel tired, I need a rest. When I have some rest, we will discuss our plans and decide what to do. 

At first, the children will force us to change our mind, and they will push us to go out right away. But in the long run, through our actions, we teach them to respect others and their needs.   

Acceptance of your own borders creates good relations 

Borders can change! One day a thing entertains us and another annoys us, and we have the right to feel so. Apart from that, every family is different and has different ways.  
 

The common rule is that if we know what we are and what we are not, where are acceptable limits are, it is easier for us to take care of them. When someone tries to violate them, we can clearly communicate that something makes us feel sorry, angry or guilty. Good communication and authenticity in expressing our needs and feelings brings us closer together in the family. 

After all, each of us wants to feel good at home 🙂 

  

Finally, we would like to invite you to watch a family fairy tale about emotions called ‘Inside out’. 

The trailer below

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