Parents often ask how to implement SafeKiddo so that the child does not feel punished or controlled with the application installed on their device.
While convincing a younger child seems to be a simpler matter, agreeing on it with a rebellious teenager seems to be theoretically impossible to achieve.
Is this really the case?
It may be, but not necessarily. In today’s blog we would like to share with you the story of one of the mothers who passed through this experience,.
Monika is a mother of two children: a ten-year-old girl Jagoda and a fifteen-year-old boy Pawel.
For about two years Monika has been aware of a problem with her son’s excessive use of the phone. She tried many ideas, but each time the problem came back to the starting point after a while. Whenever her son was given more freedom, old habits returned.
Pawel – a teenage boy whose adolescence is a pain in the neck for his parents. His voice has already started to change, moustache appeared and he gets easily offended or moody.
Some time ago Monika learned about SafeKiddo application and decided to try it. However, taught by her experience that whenever she makes Paul do something or gives him no choice, it always turns against her, she decided to do it differently. In other easier matters, the dialogue method has worked well for them.
So, she started by talking about her feelings: saying she is annoyed by the fact that the previous agreements did not succeed.off … She talked about her fears, and explained that according to her Paul spent too much time with the phone in hand or playing games on a laptop. She also expressed her worries, why does Paweł spend more time with his friends online than in real life?
She also expressed her worries, why does Paweł spend more time with his friends online than in real life?.
Monika knew that Paul needed some time to think it over, so she agreed. She also knew from experience that when forced to continue the conversation, it ended up in a quarrel.
Going to his room, Paul retorted: “Only you have a probelm here. My friends can be on the phone as much as they want.
Monika was glad that she chose not to continue the topic, but also realized that she and her husband had to face a real challenge. How to successfully install SafeKiddo on Pawel’s phone whitout it making him feel like an attack on his privacy?
The next day after dinner a whole family – Monika, her husband and the children – sat down to talk about it.
Jakub asked the kids if they knew anything about addiction to the smartphone and its consequences. Pawel said he did. They started to discuss and share what they knew. It turned out that Pawel knew a lot about it. Then Kasia asked Paul to try to compare this information to himself, without revealing the details.
Then Monika let Pawel speak again – ‘Try to come up with a way out of this situation’. It was not an easy conversation. Paul told his parents that if there was something that would entertain him and make him happy, he would be able to limit the time using the phone. Together they explored what it could be. Pawel chose to join the Judo school, and once in a week visit a friend or invite one to his home.
Jakub told the children about the idea of downloading the SafeKiddo application on their children’s phones and his own. He showed them on the SafeKiddo website what it looks like. He explained that for each day of the week an agreed time limit can be set. He also talked about other functions of the application.
Paul immediately lost his enthusiasm. But Jacob reminded to him that they had already discussed the issue of breaking the established rules, and explained that 1this application woul only help Pawel to learn to keep to the agreed time limit for using the phone without his or his mother’s interference.
Monika told us once again how upset she had felt when she constantly reminded Paweł that his time on the phone was running out. And it made her furious when Paul ignored her and continued to use the phone. She also said that by breaking the rules, her borders are violated, and she will no longer allow this to happen.
Jakub showed the children a printed family contract he had downloaded from the program’s website: 4 steps for children’s safety on http://safekiddo.com/kontrakt . They wrote down the rules together and signed the agreement. They attached it to the fridge door.
Paul knew that it was terribly difficult for him to part with his phone. He also realized that in this subject, he had already failed the trust of his parents. Another thing that worried him was what he would do if he needed a longer time to access the Internet? Monika cleared up his doubts. She told him about the option of sending a request to a parent from the application, if necessary.
In this way Monika’s family successfully installed SafeKiddo application. They managed, without breaking the borders, without compulsion, without an unhealthy atmosphere at home.
Each family is different and each family can offer their own way of dealing with this situation.
Nevertheless, in order to sum up and draw conclusions that can help parents to introduce the SafeKiddo application to their children in a way will not be taken as punishment or spying on them, consider the following:
- In our experience, it is best to talk honestly with your child, about your feelings and concerns regarding the use of the phone.
- Ask your child how they feel about it.
- Do they know anything about threats on the Internet, e.g. about addiction to a smartphone. It is worth discussing together the symptoms of such addiction as well as methods to help you get out of it.
- Also give your child time to think about this subject, e.g. until the next day.
- It is worth discussing and presenting your thoughts and listening to your child’s suggestions. Establish new rules together, try to find a common ground. It is not an easy conversation, but it is very important. It will help us to hear the needs of our child and verify them with our point of view.
- The SafeKiddo application can be proposed after the arrangements have been made. It will help to comply with and follow agreed rules. It will also show your child what it looks like, how it works, what the settings are and what information it provides.
- It is advisable to make an agreement for an open dialogue, which will allow you to change the SafeKiddo settings if necessary. The option of sending a request to a parent in the application will make it easier.
It is vital that the decisions never happen behind the child’s back. Mutual respect, sincerity and composure will help the child to feel no pressure or punishment, but parents’ care for them.